| Have you ever heard of a Talking Stick? I | | | | least one marriage counselor who uses the |
| hadn't until two days ago when my husband | | | | Talking Stick as part of her marriage therapy |
| presented me with one! | | | | techniques. |
| “Okay…” I thought, | | | | |
| “Is this supposed to be some joke about | | | | But also imagine what positive effects this |
| me talking too much or what?” But then | | | | form of communication could have on family |
| he continued his presentation saying, | | | | relations as well! Take my family for |
| “Honey, I know that sometimes you think | | | | example: I have three children, ages 2, 5, & |
| I'm not listening to you. I have to admit, | | | | 14. The teenager is convinced that NO ONE |
| sometimes you're right. But you are the love | | | | listens to him, the toddler MAKES SURE that |
| of my life, and even when I'm distracted, I | | | | everyone listens to her, and the 5-year-old |
| always want you to be my first priority. | | | | desperately tries to have his views heard |
| That's why I made this for you…I give | | | | above the other two! It's quite the circus |
| you this Talking Stick as a symbol of my | | | | some days! Now that we have the Talking |
| commitment to always put you first, no matter | | | | Stick, EVERYONE will be heard. And hopefully |
| what. If there's ever a time when you don't | | | | all family members will begin to feel like |
| think I'm paying attention to you, or if you | | | | their opinions are being heard and really do |
| think I'm ignoring something | | | | count. I think it will be a great family |
| important…just pick up this Talking | | | | communication tool. |
| Stick. I promise to listen, without | | | | |
| interruption, while you tell me what's on | | | | Please visit if you'd like to read more |
| your mind.” Wow! What woman wouldn't | | | | about the history of the Talking Stick and |
| love that? A promise of undivided attention | | | | some of the symbolism behind the items used |
| any time we want it! Does this man realize | | | | in making one. There is also a picture of |
| what he has just done? | | | | what one might look like. |
| | | | |
| I came to discover that the Talking Stick has | | | | By now, you may be inspired to make your own |
| been used for centuries by many American | | | | Talking Stick for your family. Go for it! Be |
| Indian tribes as a means of just and | | | | creative! My husband used ideas from the |
| impartial hearing. The stick was commonly | | | | article above and added different types of |
| used in council circles to designate who had | | | | beads to symbolize each family member and |
| the right to speak. Whoever holds the Talking | | | | some other personal symbolism that only our |
| Stick within his hands has the power of | | | | family would appreciate. He also typed out a |
| words. When matters of great concern came | | | | “story” explaining the history of |
| before the council, the leading elder would | | | | the stick and included the meanings of all |
| hold the stick and begin the discussion. When | | | | the symbolism he used to create it. One of my |
| he finished what he had to say he would hold | | | | favorite parts is, “The fork in the |
| out the stick, and whoever wished to speak | | | | stick represents disagreement which is |
| after him would take it. In this manner the | | | | natural between different members of any |
| stick was passed from one individual to | | | | tribe. The fork is short and ends sharply to |
| another until anyone who wished to speak had | | | | remind us that a solution to all conflict is |
| done so. The stick was then passed back to | | | | possible and need not end in a lonely journey |
| the leading elder for safekeeping. It carries | | | | for any member of the tribe.” The main |
| respect for free speech and assures the | | | | idea is that it is made with love and out of |
| speaker that he has the freedom and power to | | | | respect for the family unit. |
| say what is in his heart without fear of | | | | |
| reprisal or humiliation. | | | | We have our stick hung in a prominent area of |
| | | | our house for all guests to see and the |
| So how does this Talking Stick effect our | | | | “story” is framed beside it. |
| relationships? A major difference between | | | | Quite a conversation piece! |
| vibrant marriages and those that end in | | | | |
| divorce is the way the couples | | | | As for my husband…I'd have to say that |
| communicate…the way they handle | | | | he really outdid himself on this project. I |
| disagreements and hurts. In healthy | | | | never would have believed that receiving a |
| marriages, disagreements are handled as they | | | | STICK could mean so much. I'd like to share |
| occur by discussing the situation until both | | | | with you the final sentences from his story, |
| partners are satisfied with the result or | | | | “The Talking Stick is given from the |
| some compromise has been agreed upon. Nothing | | | | loving heart of the tribe leader. This token |
| kills a relationship and romance like | | | | of love is so that every tribal member |
| “mud-slinging” screaming matches | | | | remains together until the sun sets for the |
| or attempts to punish with the “silent | | | | last time on our day. The love of an eagles |
| treatment.” This is where the Talking | | | | flight, Chief Phillip! |
| Stick really works its magic! I know of at | | | | |