| Have you ever heard of a Talking Stick? | | | | “silent treatment.” This is |
| I hadn't until two days ago when my | | | | where the Talking Stick really works its |
| husband presented me with one! | | | | magic! I know of at least one marriage |
| “Okay…” I thought, | | | | counselor who uses the Talking Stick as |
| “Is this supposed to be some joke | | | | part of her marriage therapy techniques. |
| about me talking too much or | | | | But also imagine what positive effects |
| what?” But then he continued his | | | | this form of communication could have on |
| presentation saying, “Honey, I | | | | family relations as well! Take my family |
| know that sometimes you think I'm not | | | | for example: I have three children, ages |
| listening to you. I have to admit, | | | | 2, 5, & 14. The teenager is convinced |
| sometimes you're right. But you are the | | | | that NO ONE listens to him, the toddler |
| love of my life, and even when I'm | | | | MAKES SURE that everyone listens to her, |
| distracted, I always want you to be my | | | | and the 5-year-old desperately tries to |
| first priority. That's why I made this | | | | have his views heard above the other |
| for you…I give you this Talking | | | | two! It's quite the circus some days! |
| Stick as a symbol of my commitment to | | | | Now that we have the Talking Stick, |
| always put you first, no matter what. If | | | | EVERYONE will be heard. And hopefully |
| there's ever a time when you don't think | | | | all family members will begin to feel |
| I'm paying attention to you, or if you | | | | like their opinions are being heard and |
| think I'm ignoring something | | | | really do count. I think it will be a |
| important…just pick up this | | | | great family communication tool. |
| Talking Stick. I promise to listen, | | | | Please visit if you'd like to read more |
| without interruption, while you tell me | | | | about the history of the Talking Stick |
| what's on your mind.” Wow! What | | | | and some of the symbolism behind the |
| woman wouldn't love that? A promise of | | | | items used in making one. There is also |
| undivided attention any time we want it! | | | | a picture of what one might look like. |
| Does this man realize what he has just | | | | By now, you may be inspired to make your |
| done? | | | | own Talking Stick for your family. Go |
| I came to discover that the Talking | | | | for it! Be creative! My husband used |
| Stick has been used for centuries by | | | | ideas from the article above and added |
| many American Indian tribes as a means | | | | different types of beads to symbolize |
| of just and impartial hearing. The stick | | | | each family member and some other |
| was commonly used in council circles to | | | | personal symbolism that only our family |
| designate who had the right to speak. | | | | would appreciate. He also typed out a |
| Whoever holds the Talking Stick within | | | | “story” explaining the |
| his hands has the power of words. When | | | | history of the stick and included the |
| matters of great concern came before the | | | | meanings of all the symbolism he used to |
| council, the leading elder would hold | | | | create it. One of my favorite parts is, |
| the stick and begin the discussion. When | | | | “The fork in the stick represents |
| he finished what he had to say he would | | | | disagreement which is natural between |
| hold out the stick, and whoever wished | | | | different members of any tribe. The fork |
| to speak after him would take it. In | | | | is short and ends sharply to remind us |
| this manner the stick was passed from | | | | that a solution to all conflict is |
| one individual to another until anyone | | | | possible and need not end in a lonely |
| who wished to speak had done so. The | | | | journey for any member of the |
| stick was then passed back to the | | | | tribe.” The main idea is that it |
| leading elder for safekeeping. It | | | | is made with love and out of respect for |
| carries respect for free speech and | | | | the family unit. |
| assures the speaker that he has the | | | | We have our stick hung in a prominent |
| freedom and power to say what is in his | | | | area of our house for all guests to see |
| heart without fear of reprisal or | | | | and the “story” is framed |
| humiliation. | | | | beside it. Quite a conversation piece! |
| So how does this Talking Stick effect | | | | As for my husband…I'd have to say |
| our relationships? A major difference | | | | that he really outdid himself on this |
| between vibrant marriages and those that | | | | project. I never would have believed |
| end in divorce is the way the couples | | | | that receiving a STICK could mean so |
| communicate…the way they handle | | | | much. I'd like to share with you the |
| disagreements and hurts. In healthy | | | | final sentences from his story, |
| marriages, disagreements are handled as | | | | “The Talking Stick is given from |
| they occur by discussing the situation | | | | the loving heart of the tribe leader. |
| until both partners are satisfied with | | | | This token of love is so that every |
| the result or some compromise has been | | | | tribal member remains together until the |
| agreed upon. Nothing kills a | | | | sun sets for the last time on our day. |
| relationship and romance like | | | | The love of an eagles flight, Chief |
| “mud-slinging” screaming | | | | Phillip! |
| matches or attempts to punish with the | | | | |