A bit of American history


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The Talking Stick

Have you ever heard of a Talking Stick?“silent treatment.” This is
I hadn't until two days ago when mywhere the Talking Stick really works its
husband presented me with one!magic! I know of at least one marriage
“Okay…” I thought,counselor who uses the Talking Stick as
“Is this supposed to be some jokepart of her marriage therapy techniques.
about me talking too much orBut also imagine what positive effects
what?” But then he continued histhis form of communication could have on
presentation saying, “Honey, Ifamily relations as well! Take my family
know that sometimes you think I'm notfor example: I have three children, ages
listening to you. I have to admit,2, 5, & 14. The teenager is convinced
sometimes you're right. But you are thethat NO ONE listens to him, the toddler
love of my life, and even when I'mMAKES SURE that everyone listens to her,
distracted, I always want you to be myand the 5-year-old desperately tries to
first priority. That's why I made thishave his views heard above the other
for you…I give you this Talkingtwo! It's quite the circus some days!
Stick as a symbol of my commitment toNow that we have the Talking Stick,
always put you first, no matter what. IfEVERYONE will be heard. And hopefully
there's ever a time when you don't thinkall family members will begin to feel
I'm paying attention to you, or if youlike their opinions are being heard and
think I'm ignoring somethingreally do count. I think it will be a
important…just pick up thisgreat family communication tool.
Talking Stick. I promise to listen,Please visit if you'd like to read more
without interruption, while you tell meabout the history of the Talking Stick
what's on your mind.” Wow! Whatand some of the symbolism behind the
woman wouldn't love that? A promise ofitems used in making one. There is also
undivided attention any time we want it!a picture of what one might look like.
Does this man realize what he has justBy now, you may be inspired to make your
done?own Talking Stick for your family. Go
I came to discover that the Talkingfor it! Be creative! My husband used
Stick has been used for centuries byideas from the article above and added
many American Indian tribes as a meansdifferent types of beads to symbolize
of just and impartial hearing. The stickeach family member and some other
was commonly used in council circles topersonal symbolism that only our family
designate who had the right to speak.would appreciate. He also typed out a
Whoever holds the Talking Stick within“story” explaining the
his hands has the power of words. Whenhistory of the stick and included the
matters of great concern came before themeanings of all the symbolism he used to
council, the leading elder would holdcreate it. One of my favorite parts is,
the stick and begin the discussion. When“The fork in the stick represents
he finished what he had to say he woulddisagreement which is natural between
hold out the stick, and whoever wisheddifferent members of any tribe. The fork
to speak after him would take it. Inis short and ends sharply to remind us
this manner the stick was passed fromthat a solution to all conflict is
one individual to another until anyonepossible and need not end in a lonely
who wished to speak had done so. Thejourney for any member of the
stick was then passed back to thetribe.” The main idea is that it
leading elder for safekeeping. Itis made with love and out of respect for
carries respect for free speech andthe family unit.
assures the speaker that he has theWe have our stick hung in a prominent
freedom and power to say what is in hisarea of our house for all guests to see
heart without fear of reprisal orand the “story” is framed
humiliation.beside it. Quite a conversation piece!
So how does this Talking Stick effectAs for my husband…I'd have to say
our relationships? A major differencethat he really outdid himself on this
between vibrant marriages and those thatproject. I never would have believed
end in divorce is the way the couplesthat receiving a STICK could mean so
communicate…the way they handlemuch. I'd like to share with you the
disagreements and hurts. In healthyfinal sentences from his story,
marriages, disagreements are handled as“The Talking Stick is given from
they occur by discussing the situationthe loving heart of the tribe leader.
until both partners are satisfied withThis token of love is so that every
the result or some compromise has beentribal member remains together until the
agreed upon. Nothing kills asun sets for the last time on our day.
relationship and romance likeThe love of an eagles flight, Chief
“mud-slinging” screamingPhillip!
matches or attempts to punish with the



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