| Have you ever heard of a Talking Stick? I hadn't | | | | really works its magic! I know of at least one |
| until two days ago when my husband presented | | | | marriage counselor who uses the Talking Stick as |
| me with one! “Okay…” I | | | | part of her marriage therapy techniques. |
| thought, “Is this supposed to be some | | | | But also imagine what positive effects this form |
| joke about me talking too much or what?” | | | | of communication could have on family relations |
| But then he continued his presentation saying, | | | | as well! Take my family for example: I have three |
| “Honey, I know that sometimes you think | | | | children, ages 2, 5, & 14. The teenager is |
| I'm not listening to you. I have to admit, | | | | convinced that NO ONE listens to him, the toddler |
| sometimes you're right. But you are the love of | | | | MAKES SURE that everyone listens to her, and |
| my life, and even when I'm distracted, I always | | | | the 5-year-old desperately tries to have his views |
| want you to be my first priority. That's why I | | | | heard above the other two! It's quite the circus |
| made this for you…I give you this Talking | | | | some days! Now that we have the Talking Stick, |
| Stick as a symbol of my commitment to always | | | | EVERYONE will be heard. And hopefully all family |
| put you first, no matter what. If there's ever a | | | | members will begin to feel like their opinions are |
| time when you don't think I'm paying attention to | | | | being heard and really do count. I think it will be a |
| you, or if you think I'm ignoring something | | | | great family communication tool. |
| important…just pick up this Talking Stick. I | | | | Please visit if you'd like to read more about the |
| promise to listen, without interruption, while you | | | | history of the Talking Stick and some of the |
| tell me what's on your mind.” Wow! What | | | | symbolism behind the items used in making one. |
| woman wouldn't love that? A promise of | | | | There is also a picture of what one might look |
| undivided attention any time we want it! Does this | | | | like. |
| man realize what he has just done? | | | | By now, you may be inspired to make your own |
| I came to discover that the Talking Stick has | | | | Talking Stick for your family. Go for it! Be |
| been used for centuries by many American Indian | | | | creative! My husband used ideas from the article |
| tribes as a means of just and impartial hearing. | | | | above and added different types of beads to |
| The stick was commonly used in council circles to | | | | symbolize each family member and some other |
| designate who had the right to speak. Whoever | | | | personal symbolism that only our family would |
| holds the Talking Stick within his hands has the | | | | appreciate. He also typed out a |
| power of words. When matters of great concern | | | | “story” explaining the history of |
| came before the council, the leading elder would | | | | the stick and included the meanings of all the |
| hold the stick and begin the discussion. When he | | | | symbolism he used to create it. One of my |
| finished what he had to say he would hold out the | | | | favorite parts is, “The fork in the stick |
| stick, and whoever wished to speak after him | | | | represents disagreement which is natural between |
| would take it. In this manner the stick was passed | | | | different members of any tribe. The fork is short |
| from one individual to another until anyone who | | | | and ends sharply to remind us that a solution to all |
| wished to speak had done so. The stick was then | | | | conflict is possible and need not end in a lonely |
| passed back to the leading elder for safekeeping. | | | | journey for any member of the tribe.” |
| It carries respect for free speech and assures | | | | The main idea is that it is made with love and out |
| the speaker that he has the freedom and power | | | | of respect for the family unit. |
| to say what is in his heart without fear of reprisal | | | | We have our stick hung in a prominent area of |
| or humiliation. | | | | our house for all guests to see and the |
| So how does this Talking Stick effect our | | | | “story” is framed beside it. Quite a |
| relationships? A major difference between vibrant | | | | conversation piece! |
| marriages and those that end in divorce is the | | | | As for my husband…I'd have to say that |
| way the couples communicate…the way | | | | he really outdid himself on this project. I never |
| they handle disagreements and hurts. In healthy | | | | would have believed that receiving a STICK could |
| marriages, disagreements are handled as they | | | | mean so much. I'd like to share with you the final |
| occur by discussing the situation until both | | | | sentences from his story, “The Talking |
| partners are satisfied with the result or some | | | | Stick is given from the loving heart of the tribe |
| compromise has been agreed upon. Nothing kills a | | | | leader. This token of love is so that every tribal |
| relationship and romance like | | | | member remains together until the sun sets for |
| “mud-slinging” screaming matches | | | | the last time on our day. The love of an eagles |
| or attempts to punish with the “silent | | | | flight, Chief Phillip! |
| treatment.” This is where the Talking Stick | | | | |