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The Talking Stick

Have you ever heard of a Talking Stick? I “silent treatment.” This is
hadn't until two days ago when my husband where the Talking Stick really works its
presented me with one! magic! I know of at least one marriage
“Okay…” I thought, counselor who uses the Talking Stick as
“Is this supposed to be some joke part of her marriage therapy techniques.
about me talking too much or what?” But also imagine what positive effects
But then he continued his presentation this form of communication could have on
saying, “Honey, I know that family relations as well! Take my family
sometimes you think I'm not listening to for example: I have three children, ages
you. I have to admit, sometimes you're 2, 5, & 14. The teenager is convinced
right. But you are the love of my life, that NO ONE listens to him, the toddler
and even when I'm distracted, I always MAKES SURE that everyone listens to her,
want you to be my first priority. That's and the 5-year-old desperately tries to
why I made this for you…I give you have his views heard above the other two!
this Talking Stick as a symbol of my It's quite the circus some days! Now that
commitment to always put you first, no we have the Talking Stick, EVERYONE will
matter what. If there's ever a time when be heard. And hopefully all family
you don't think I'm paying attention to members will begin to feel like their
you, or if you think I'm ignoring opinions are being heard and really do
something important…just pick up count. I think it will be a great family
this Talking Stick. I promise to listen, communication tool.
without interruption, while you tell me Please visit if you'd like to read more
what's on your mind.” Wow! What about the history of the Talking Stick
woman wouldn't love that? A promise of and some of the symbolism behind the
undivided attention any time we want it! items used in making one. There is also a
Does this man realize what he has just picture of what one might look like.
done? By now, you may be inspired to make your
I came to discover that the Talking Stick own Talking Stick for your family. Go for
has been used for centuries by many it! Be creative! My husband used ideas
American Indian tribes as a means of just from the article above and added
and impartial hearing. The stick was different types of beads to symbolize
commonly used in council circles to each family member and some other
designate who had the right to speak. personal symbolism that only our family
Whoever holds the Talking Stick within would appreciate. He also typed out a
his hands has the power of words. When “story” explaining the
matters of great concern came before the history of the stick and included the
council, the leading elder would hold the meanings of all the symbolism he used to
stick and begin the discussion. When he create it. One of my favorite parts is,
finished what he had to say he would hold “The fork in the stick represents
out the stick, and whoever wished to disagreement which is natural between
speak after him would take it. In this different members of any tribe. The fork
manner the stick was passed from one is short and ends sharply to remind us
individual to another until anyone who that a solution to all conflict is
wished to speak had done so. The stick possible and need not end in a lonely
was then passed back to the leading elder journey for any member of the
for safekeeping. It carries respect for tribe.” The main idea is that it is
free speech and assures the speaker that made with love and out of respect for the
he has the freedom and power to say what family unit.
is in his heart without fear of reprisal We have our stick hung in a prominent
or humiliation. area of our house for all guests to see
So how does this Talking Stick effect our and the “story” is framed
relationships? A major difference between beside it. Quite a conversation piece!
vibrant marriages and those that end in As for my husband…I'd have to say
divorce is the way the couples that he really outdid himself on this
communicate…the way they handle project. I never would have believed that
disagreements and hurts. In healthy receiving a STICK could mean so much. I'd
marriages, disagreements are handled as like to share with you the final
they occur by discussing the situation sentences from his story, “The
until both partners are satisfied with Talking Stick is given from the loving
the result or some compromise has been heart of the tribe leader. This token of
agreed upon. Nothing kills a relationship love is so that every tribal member
and romance like remains together until the sun sets for
“mud-slinging” screaming the last time on our day. The love of an
matches or attempts to punish with the eagles flight, Chief Phillip!




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