| I know you're going to find this hard to | | | | an undisclosed place, not exactly typical |
| believe, but I, Tim Knox, noted humanitarian, | | | | role models there.And finally, if the Miss |
| former Eagle Scout, and lover of mankind the | | | | America Pageant really is about brains and |
| world over, am a sexist pig.Sorry, mama. I | | | | not beauty, as promoters say, I recommended |
| had no idea.I came to this startling | | | | restructuring the contest so the emphasis |
| realization after an angry female reader sent | | | | would be on intelligence. I suggested |
| an equally angry email complaining that my | | | | "...having Miss South Dakota and Miss Rhode |
| recent column on the Miss America Pageant had | | | | Island play Risk for twelve hours with no |
| missed the politically correct bull's eye by | | | | bathroom break... have Miss Michigan rebuild |
| about a mile and a half.Quoting this reader's | | | | the carburetor on a '63 Pontiac Catalina... |
| email now, | | | | have Miss California expound on the theory of |
| | | | quantum physics while trying to make a |
| "...my assumption from how you write, leads | | | | Jacob's Ladder with a piece of string that's |
| me to believe that the "opposite" gender is | | | | too short..." |
| little more to you than something that still | | | | |
| needs to be oppressed by men such as yourself | | | | At no time did I say one negative thing |
| that allows you to leer at them from above | | | | about women anywhere in this column. My |
| your glass ceiling... Have a nice and | | | | arrows were clearly (at least to me) aimed at |
| dolefully sad existence... Best wishes to you | | | | the hypocritical pageant organizers who claim |
| in actually developing an articulate and | | | | beauty has nothing to do with who wins. And I |
| EDUCATED opinion... I sincerely hope you | | | | will not apologize for stating the obvious |
| (sic) learn that opinions are CERTAINLY not | | | | fact that not even two piece bikinis can save |
| facts, and ignorance is no excuse for poor | | | | this dog and pony show whose time has come |
| judgment..." | | | | and gone.I finally came to the conclusion |
| | | | that, being an ignorant man, the only way I |
| Man, when it comes to email pipebombs, this | | | | was ever gonna figure out what Mrs. Kazinski |
| one's a beaut! Thank you, Mrs. Kazinski (not | | | | was upset about was to involve, dare I say |
| her real name, of course). Thank you very | | | | it, a woman! So I called out the big guns, |
| much. Can someone hand me a bandaid...Call me | | | | the woman who has been keeping me on the |
| ignorant (again), but I had no idea what I | | | | straight and narrow for a lot of years now. |
| could have possibly done to demand such | | | | Namely, my wife, or should I call her, "my |
| brutal retaliation from someone who is, I'm | | | | better half.""I don't get it either," my wife |
| sure, on most days, a very decent and loving | | | | said after reading the email and the column. |
| member of the human race. I've seen a woman | | | | "Sounds like a disgruntled beauty queen to |
| pushed to these limits only once before. It | | | | me. Now take out the trash before I get my |
| was July 8, 1968, a day I'll never forget.In | | | | big purse after you."I don't think my wife |
| a moment of sheer frustration, my mother let | | | | realizes that by belittling disgruntled |
| me have it up beside the head with her big | | | | beauty queens she has opened herself up to |
| purse because I refused to climb off Billy | | | | the wrath of the emailbomber. Forgive her, |
| the Buckin' Bronco, that valiant, plastic | | | | Mrs. Kazinski, please. Her curse is having to |
| steed who stood tied up out front of the | | | | live with me. Isn't that enough?Which brings |
| Piggly Wiggly on 8th Street for many years."I | | | | me around to one more question: If I'm a |
| ain't gonna tell you again to come on, Tim | | | | sexist pig why the heck am I the one dragging |
| Knox!" WHACK!I should've seen it coming. | | | | two hundred pounds of trash out to the curb |
| Whenever my mama called me by my whole name | | | | twice a week. Can't I get a woman to do |
| it meant that she wasn't particularly happy | | | | this?Look, Mrs. Kazinski, if thinking that |
| with me. It also meant that a whacking from | | | | the Miss America Pageant is a load of hooey |
| that big purse wasn't far behind. In school, | | | | makes me a sexist pig in your eyes, so be it. |
| just hearing my name called on the roll | | | | If reading just one of my columns drives you |
| caused me to uncontrollably duck for a good | | | | to conclude that I am a man who feels women, |
| five minutes.Scarred for life, I never | | | | quoting you again, "...need to be oppressed" |
| mounted another horse, coin operated or | | | | so that me and men like me can "...leer at |
| otherwise. Maybe that's why this email | | | | them from above our (sic) glass ceiling..." |
| bothered me so. Would I ever be able to write | | | | so be it again. That's your opinion. You're |
| another column after being beaned by this | | | | entitled to it.As a writer whose tongue is |
| irate woman's electronic big purse? I wasn't | | | | kept planted firmly in cheek and whose feet |
| sure.I read the email over several more | | | | are kept planted firmly in the muck, I know |
| times, but still my offense was unclear. What | | | | that not everyone will agree with everything |
| was Mrs. Kazinski so ticked about? I went | | | | I write. A wise, old newspaper editor once |
| back and read the Miss America column again. | | | | told me that a writer's job is to elicit a |
| Still, I was clueless, which I'm sure doesn't | | | | response from his readers, be that response |
| surprise my friendly emailbomber. Maybe you | | | | good, bad, or indifferent.With you, Mrs. |
| folks can help me figure it out. After all, | | | | Kazinski, I consider my job to be |
| I'm ignorant, you know.If you missed the | | | | done.Everything I write is a reflection of my |
| column called "The Dust Settles on Miss | | | | own personal opinion of the world. I hope you |
| America" (or missed the point of said column) | | | | will at least agree, Mrs. K, that I, too, am |
| here's what it was all about: | | | | entitled to an opinion, no matter how |
| | | | "ignorant and uneducated" you may find it to |
| | | | be.To finish, let me assure you and everyone |
| | | | else that if I am indeed a sexist pig, I am |
| Promoters of the Miss America Pageant insist | | | | of the passive pork variety. After antique |
| that it is not a beauty contest, a statement | | | | British sports cars and well-worn cowboy |
| that I took particular exception with. If | | | | boots, I think God's greatest creation is |
| it's not a beauty pageant, why is there an | | | | Woman. Man comes in at number 7, just after |
| evening wear and swimsuit competition? Why | | | | riding lawn mowers and just before all beef |
| don't they just have a talent show, ask each | | | | hotdogs.If you read this column with any |
| contestant how she'd save the world, then | | | | regularity, Mrs. K, you'd know that I have a |
| give one of them the crown so everybody can | | | | wife and two daughters who seem very happy |
| go home?In an admitted attempt to bolster | | | | with me. I also have a mother, sister and |
| sagging ratings, Pageant promoters allowed | | | | elderly aunt who depend on me to be the |
| two piece bathing suits to be worn in the | | | | designated male in their lives. When any of |
| swimsuit competition this year. And this | | | | these women call, I drop whatever I'm doing |
| isn't a beauty contest? Please. I guess | | | | and run to their sides. If I don't, it's big |
| nothing stimulates the female brain like | | | | purse time.So, am I really a sexist pig, Mrs. |
| wearing a skin tight bikini. Odd, it has the | | | | K? I don't think any of the women in my life |
| exact opposite affect on the average male. It | | | | would say so.Still, if you still have a |
| makes his mind go blank.I said that I changed | | | | problem with me, maybe you should talk to my |
| channels during the talent competition | | | | mother.Just watch out if she's carrying that |
| because badly sung opera and showtunes have | | | | big purse.From "Small Business Q&A" With Tim |
| been known to induce cranial bleeding in men | | | | Knox |
| my age. I don't apologize for this statement. | | | | |
| I am not a big fan of opera so even the best | | | | Tim Knox is a nationally-known entrepreneur, |
| of opera, at least to my ears, is badly sung. | | | | author, speaker, and radio show host. |
| And I've yet to hear a showtune that I can | | | | |
| dance to, so sue me.I also made mention of | | | | Tim has helped hundreds of entrepreneurs |
| the fact that one of the contestants sported | | | | realize their business dreams. |
| a pierced navel while another had a tattoo in | | | | |