| I know you're going to find this hard to believe, | | | | pierced navel while another had a tattoo in an |
| but I, Tim Knox, noted humanitarian, former Eagle | | | | undisclosed place, not exactly typical role models |
| Scout, and lover of mankind the world over, am a | | | | there.And finally, if the Miss America Pageant |
| sexist pig.Sorry, mama. I had no idea.I came to | | | | really is about brains and not beauty, as |
| this startling realization after an angry female | | | | promoters say, I recommended restructuring the |
| reader sent an equally angry email complaining | | | | contest so the emphasis would be on intelligence. I |
| that my recent column on the Miss America | | | | suggested "...having Miss South Dakota and Miss |
| Pageant had missed the politically correct bull's eye | | | | Rhode Island play Risk for twelve hours with no |
| by about a mile and a half.Quoting this reader's | | | | bathroom break... have Miss Michigan rebuild the |
| email now, | | | | carburetor on a '63 Pontiac Catalina... have Miss |
| "...my assumption from how you write, leads me | | | | California expound on the theory of quantum |
| to believe that the "opposite" gender is little more | | | | physics while trying to make a Jacob's Ladder |
| to you than something that still needs to be | | | | with a piece of string that's too short..." |
| oppressed by men such as yourself that allows | | | | At no time did I say one negative thing about |
| you to leer at them from above your glass | | | | women anywhere in this column. My arrows were |
| ceiling... Have a nice and dolefully sad existence... | | | | clearly (at least to me) aimed at the hypocritical |
| Best wishes to you in actually developing an | | | | pageant organizers who claim beauty has nothing |
| articulate and EDUCATED opinion... I sincerely hope | | | | to do with who wins. And I will not apologize for |
| you (sic) learn that opinions are CERTAINLY not | | | | stating the obvious fact that not even two piece |
| facts, and ignorance is no excuse for poor | | | | bikinis can save this dog and pony show whose |
| judgment..." | | | | time has come and gone.I finally came to the |
| Man, when it comes to email pipebombs, this | | | | conclusion that, being an ignorant man, the only |
| one's a beaut! Thank you, Mrs. Kazinski (not her | | | | way I was ever gonna figure out what Mrs. |
| real name, of course). Thank you very much. Can | | | | Kazinski was upset about was to involve, dare I |
| someone hand me a bandaid...Call me ignorant | | | | say it, a woman! So I called out the big guns, the |
| (again), but I had no idea what I could have | | | | woman who has been keeping me on the straight |
| possibly done to demand such brutal retaliation | | | | and narrow for a lot of years now. Namely, my |
| from someone who is, I'm sure, on most days, a | | | | wife, or should I call her, "my better half.""I don't |
| very decent and loving member of the human | | | | get it either," my wife said after reading the email |
| race. I've seen a woman pushed to these limits | | | | and the column. "Sounds like a disgruntled beauty |
| only once before. It was July 8, 1968, a day I'll | | | | queen to me. Now take out the trash before I |
| never forget.In a moment of sheer frustration, | | | | get my big purse after you."I don't think my wife |
| my mother let me have it up beside the head | | | | realizes that by belittling disgruntled beauty queens |
| with her big purse because I refused to climb off | | | | she has opened herself up to the wrath of the |
| Billy the Buckin' Bronco, that valiant, plastic steed | | | | emailbomber. Forgive her, Mrs. Kazinski, please. |
| who stood tied up out front of the Piggly Wiggly | | | | Her curse is having to live with me. Isn't that |
| on 8th Street for many years."I ain't gonna tell | | | | enough?Which brings me around to one more |
| you again to come on, Tim Knox!" WHACK!I | | | | question: If I'm a sexist pig why the heck am I |
| should've seen it coming. Whenever my mama | | | | the one dragging two hundred pounds of trash |
| called me by my whole name it meant that she | | | | out to the curb twice a week. Can't I get a |
| wasn't particularly happy with me. It also meant | | | | woman to do this?Look, Mrs. Kazinski, if thinking |
| that a whacking from that big purse wasn't far | | | | that the Miss America Pageant is a load of hooey |
| behind. In school, just hearing my name called on | | | | makes me a sexist pig in your eyes, so be it. If |
| the roll caused me to uncontrollably duck for a | | | | reading just one of my columns drives you to |
| good five minutes.Scarred for life, I never | | | | conclude that I am a man who feels women, |
| mounted another horse, coin operated or | | | | quoting you again, "...need to be oppressed" so |
| otherwise. Maybe that's why this email bothered | | | | that me and men like me can "...leer at them from |
| me so. Would I ever be able to write another | | | | above our (sic) glass ceiling..." so be it again. That's |
| column after being beaned by this irate woman's | | | | your opinion. You're entitled to it.As a writer |
| electronic big purse? I wasn't sure.I read the email | | | | whose tongue is kept planted firmly in cheek and |
| over several more times, but still my offense | | | | whose feet are kept planted firmly in the muck, I |
| was unclear. What was Mrs. Kazinski so ticked | | | | know that not everyone will agree with |
| about? I went back and read the Miss America | | | | everything I write. A wise, old newspaper editor |
| column again. Still, I was clueless, which I'm sure | | | | once told me that a writer's job is to elicit a |
| doesn't surprise my friendly emailbomber. Maybe | | | | response from his readers, be that response |
| you folks can help me figure it out. After all, I'm | | | | good, bad, or indifferent.With you, Mrs. Kazinski, I |
| ignorant, you know.If you missed the column | | | | consider my job to be done.Everything I write is a |
| called "The Dust Settles on Miss America" (or | | | | reflection of my own personal opinion of the |
| missed the point of said column) here's what it | | | | world. I hope you will at least agree, Mrs. K, that I, |
| was all about: | | | | too, am entitled to an opinion, no matter how |
| | | | "ignorant and uneducated" you may find it to |
| Promoters of the Miss America Pageant insist | | | | be.To finish, let me assure you and everyone else |
| that it is not a beauty contest, a statement that I | | | | that if I am indeed a sexist pig, I am of the |
| took particular exception with. If it's not a beauty | | | | passive pork variety. After antique British sports |
| pageant, why is there an evening wear and | | | | cars and well-worn cowboy boots, I think God's |
| swimsuit competition? Why don't they just have a | | | | greatest creation is Woman. Man comes in at |
| talent show, ask each contestant how she'd save | | | | number 7, just after riding lawn mowers and just |
| the world, then give one of them the crown so | | | | before all beef hotdogs.If you read this column |
| everybody can go home?In an admitted attempt | | | | with any regularity, Mrs. K, you'd know that I |
| to bolster sagging ratings, Pageant promoters | | | | have a wife and two daughters who seem very |
| allowed two piece bathing suits to be worn in the | | | | happy with me. I also have a mother, sister and |
| swimsuit competition this year. And this isn't a | | | | elderly aunt who depend on me to be the |
| beauty contest? Please. I guess nothing stimulates | | | | designated male in their lives. When any of these |
| the female brain like wearing a skin tight bikini. | | | | women call, I drop whatever I'm doing and run to |
| Odd, it has the exact opposite affect on the | | | | their sides. If I don't, it's big purse time.So, am I |
| average male. It makes his mind go blank.I said | | | | really a sexist pig, Mrs. K? I don't think any of the |
| that I changed channels during the talent | | | | women in my life would say so.Still, if you still |
| competition because badly sung opera and | | | | have a problem with me, maybe you should talk |
| showtunes have been known to induce cranial | | | | to my mother.Just watch out if she's carrying |
| bleeding in men my age. I don't apologize for this | | | | that big purse.From "Small Business Q&A" With |
| statement. I am not a big fan of opera so even | | | | Tim Knox |
| the best of opera, at least to my ears, is badly | | | | Tim Knox is a nationally-known entrepreneur, |
| sung. And I've yet to hear a showtune that I can | | | | author, speaker, and radio show host. |
| dance to, so sue me.I also made mention of the | | | | Tim has helped hundreds of entrepreneurs realize |
| fact that one of the contestants sported a | | | | their business dreams. |